DLP

My main beef with this commercial is the little girl. She may be the most annoying little girl I have ever seen. When she says, "It's the mirrors" she has such a snotty tone you would think she invented the damn technology. There is a definite creepy factor to her as well. I can imagine wake up at night just before she jams a shard of a broken mirror through my chest chanting, "It's the mirrors, it's the mirrors." Also, what the hell is with that elephant? I keep waiting for it to step on that girl but it never does. I'm sure she's a nice girl, it's the directors fault for making her so annoying.

Verdict: 1 suxxor. They aren't THAT bad but they get on my nerves.

Fathead

If you don't know what a Fathead is it is a life size sticker you put on your wall. They mainly deal with athletes but they have some super hero ones as well. Now their previous spots were ok but ultimately came up short do to poor writing. They featured a guy taking pictures with a giant camera. That was the good part. Then the guy would talk for 20 seconds and ruin every thing. The newest spot is an old guy saying that Fathead makes a statement. A statement like this - it then shows a bear wearing a Brian Urlacher jersey tearing this guy's office apart. Now this is cool but then the bear starts breathing fire - uber cool! The announcer then walks down a hallway covered with Fatheads and give a funny little speech.


Verdict: 3 roxxorz - Any commercial with a fire breathing bear is awesome.

Viagra

Have you seen this commercial? 4 guys sitting in a garage singing Viva Viagra. This gets the award for dumbest premise EVER. On what planet does stuff like this happen?



"Hey Chuck, what's going on?"



"Nothing much. What ya doing today?"



"I was thinking about getting the guys together and singing about boner pills. You in?"



"I'm there."

You wanna see how to sell boner pills check out the Enzyte commercials. I've never seen so many sexual innuendos crammed into a 30 second spot.

Verdict: 2 suxxors. Horrible premise that has nothing to do with the product.

Comcast

These are by far my favorite commercials on TV. The play-on-words is hilarious. If you haven't seen them here's an example. Two guys walk up to a table filled with name tags. They both reach for the one that says "Bill". They then get into a fight with one Bill throwing the other Bill to the ground. A box then pops up with the tag line - "There's only one bill" referring to the fact that you can get cable, internet and phone on one bill. There are too many others to even try to list them all but that one is my favorite. Plus, Comcast seems to make a new one every week so they aren't getting stale. There are at least 10 different commercials in rotation. Comcast I salute you and your hilarious commercials!


Verdict: 5 roxxorz! A rare perfect rating but the ads are insanely funny and there are so many variations that I never get tired of seeing them.

Subway

Enough with Jared already!!! We get it. He was fat then he ate Subway and now he's skinny. Come up with something new. Maybe Jared starts to lose his willpower and gorges on Quiznos subs. He then blimps up to 350lbs. All the celebrity guests that have been in the commercials get together and hold an intervention for him and in a fit of hoagie induced rage he eats Reggie Bush. Just a thought. Subway subs are the bomb too so they deserve better commercials. There are some brilliant advertising companies out there and I'd imagine Subway can afford to hire one of them.





Verdict: 1 suxxor. He's annoying but not so much that I won't continue to devour those delicious subs.

AT&T Mobile Broadband

I've noticed that more and more companies are using British people to hawk their products. Maybe it's because the Brits are so damn charming and they can make just about anything sound interesting. It's the accent. An Englishman could describe diarrhea to me and I'd want to know where I could get some. But these AT&T ads are horrible. It's like they snatched someone off the streets of London, fed him lines, then said, "Can you be alittle MORE British. And maybe act alittle like a child molester." Everytime I hear him say "Polo! Found you!" I picture him leaping out of the bushes near a playground when a kid wanders too far from his/her parents. If I was England I'd consider declaring war over this because I'm sure plenty of people think, "Yep, that's just what the Brits are like." AT&T take notice of the Geico gecko - that's how you use a British accent to sell your product.

Verdict: 3 suxxorz. Could've been lower but AT&T did succeed in getting "Polo! Found you!" stuck in my head so I guess the ad works to an extent.