Anti Marijuana Commercials

First off let me say that I am all for stopping kids from doing drugs. That being said I hate these commercials. These commercials are so over the top it's ridiculous. They feature such "common" scenes as kids sitting in their dad's office smoking weed. The one kid then says to the other, "Hey, I know where my dad keeps his gun." Of course they get the gun out and one of the kids gets shot. Here's what would really happen.



Two kids smoking in their dads office.



Stoner #1, "Hey I know where my dad keeps his Cheetos."


Stoner #2, "Awesome. Go get em"



Stoner #1, "Go get what?"



And no one gets shot. My wife saw one the other day. She missed part of it but somehow kids were smoking in a car and then the car bursts into flames.



I've written some new ads for these people.



Two kids are sitting on a porch smoking pot.



Kid 1, "My mom said that smoking weed can lower your sperm count."



Kid 2, "Yeah right"



Kid 2's testicles explode.



Here's another:

Two kids walking home from school are approached by a drug dealer. He offers them a joint.

Kid 1, "No way man. Dope is for dopes"

Kid 2, "I'll try it."

Kid 2's testicles explode.

I did see one ad that was decent. This kid is talking about his stoner friend or brother or someone and it goes something like, "My brother smokes pot. He didn't shoot anyone. He didn't crash his car. He didn't rape anyone. You know what he did? Nothing."

That's the right point to get across. Kids aren't stupid so those over the top ads don't work. Point is that if you want to get a message to kids you cannot address them like kids. Don't tell them that if you do drugs the monster under your bed will get mad and eat you. Tell them the truth. And why is weed the only drug I see addressed in these commercials? Why don't they show kids doing coke or abusing cough medicine?

Verdict: 5 suxxorz. They are stupid.

FreeCreditReport.com

These ads have always bothered me. Has anyone everyone gone to this site to get your "free" credit report? It's not FREE! You have to sign up for some bullshit program and then they will give you your credit report. It's shady business practices. The new ads they run are slightly enjoyable because the songs are pretty catchy. One is a guy dressed like a pirate working in a seafood restaurant singing about his crappy job and how somehow he has the job because he didn't go to freecreditreport.com and the other is a guy with his wife and they are living in her parent's basement because they couldn't get a loan for a house because she had bad credit. What bothers me is in the song he says "I married my dream girl...." then at the end he says something like, "if i had gone to freecreditreport.com I'd be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard." So love has nothing to do with a successful marriage? It's all about money. We should run credit checks on our significant others before entering into a long term commitment? And this jerk off says he'd have a nice place if he was a bachelor. I would imagine he's getting a loan for this place. SO WHY CAN'T HE GET A LOAN FOR HIM AND HIS WIFE IN HIS NAME?

Verdict: 3 suxxorz. Misleading and stupid. The songs are ok though.

Subway

Subway has listened to me! Here is an excerpt from the letter they sent me:

"thank you so much for letting us know that Jared sucks. We stopped running ads featuring him and business is up 300,000%. We are now the richest company in the world. We have made so much money because of you that we don't even know where to put it all. As a token of our appreciation we're sending you a coupon for 50% off a 6 inch sub."


JACKPOT!

Obviously I made that up (or did i?) (yes, i did) but I have noticed a steady stream of Jared free ads from this purveyor of palatable p...subs.

The funniest one features a guy at work being asked for receipts from his business lunch at some burger joint. He asks if he can just photocopy his butt. The point being that his huge ass is proof he eats fast food burgers.

Another ad features Peter Griffin from Family Guy reciting the "Ode to the Subway Feast". Nothing hilarious here but Peter Griffin can get a chuckle out of me every time.

Verdict: 2 roxxorz. Not bad ads. Anything without Jared is a step up.