Super Bowl

I know I said I'd review the commercials live but the game was too damn good. But don't worry I recorded the whole game and will post the reviews tonight. Overall the ads sucked. They have sucked the past couple years. Do companies try too hard? Do we expect too much? Who knows but they are not what they used to be. Anyway congrats to the New York Giants! Aside from the Steelers winning Super Bowl XL I've never been this excited about a game.

Check in tomorrow for ALL the commercial reviews.

Old Spice

In this commercial there's a guy playing baseball. He is standing on 2nd base and as soon as the ball is hit he dives into a slide. He continues to slide all the way to 3rd, rounds 3rd and grabs a stick of Old Spice deodarant(still in a slide) and ends up safe at home. The whole time he's sliding he's telling you how Old Spice is the best deodarant but he's using all kinds of sports analogies to describe Old Spice. It's a hilarious commercial.


Verdict: 3 roxxorz. The guy slides from 2nd to home with no running start. Funny stuff.

Anti Marijuana Commercials

First off let me say that I am all for stopping kids from doing drugs. That being said I hate these commercials. These commercials are so over the top it's ridiculous. They feature such "common" scenes as kids sitting in their dad's office smoking weed. The one kid then says to the other, "Hey, I know where my dad keeps his gun." Of course they get the gun out and one of the kids gets shot. Here's what would really happen.



Two kids smoking in their dads office.



Stoner #1, "Hey I know where my dad keeps his Cheetos."


Stoner #2, "Awesome. Go get em"



Stoner #1, "Go get what?"



And no one gets shot. My wife saw one the other day. She missed part of it but somehow kids were smoking in a car and then the car bursts into flames.



I've written some new ads for these people.



Two kids are sitting on a porch smoking pot.



Kid 1, "My mom said that smoking weed can lower your sperm count."



Kid 2, "Yeah right"



Kid 2's testicles explode.



Here's another:

Two kids walking home from school are approached by a drug dealer. He offers them a joint.

Kid 1, "No way man. Dope is for dopes"

Kid 2, "I'll try it."

Kid 2's testicles explode.

I did see one ad that was decent. This kid is talking about his stoner friend or brother or someone and it goes something like, "My brother smokes pot. He didn't shoot anyone. He didn't crash his car. He didn't rape anyone. You know what he did? Nothing."

That's the right point to get across. Kids aren't stupid so those over the top ads don't work. Point is that if you want to get a message to kids you cannot address them like kids. Don't tell them that if you do drugs the monster under your bed will get mad and eat you. Tell them the truth. And why is weed the only drug I see addressed in these commercials? Why don't they show kids doing coke or abusing cough medicine?

Verdict: 5 suxxorz. They are stupid.

FreeCreditReport.com

These ads have always bothered me. Has anyone everyone gone to this site to get your "free" credit report? It's not FREE! You have to sign up for some bullshit program and then they will give you your credit report. It's shady business practices. The new ads they run are slightly enjoyable because the songs are pretty catchy. One is a guy dressed like a pirate working in a seafood restaurant singing about his crappy job and how somehow he has the job because he didn't go to freecreditreport.com and the other is a guy with his wife and they are living in her parent's basement because they couldn't get a loan for a house because she had bad credit. What bothers me is in the song he says "I married my dream girl...." then at the end he says something like, "if i had gone to freecreditreport.com I'd be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard." So love has nothing to do with a successful marriage? It's all about money. We should run credit checks on our significant others before entering into a long term commitment? And this jerk off says he'd have a nice place if he was a bachelor. I would imagine he's getting a loan for this place. SO WHY CAN'T HE GET A LOAN FOR HIM AND HIS WIFE IN HIS NAME?

Verdict: 3 suxxorz. Misleading and stupid. The songs are ok though.

Subway

Subway has listened to me! Here is an excerpt from the letter they sent me:

"thank you so much for letting us know that Jared sucks. We stopped running ads featuring him and business is up 300,000%. We are now the richest company in the world. We have made so much money because of you that we don't even know where to put it all. As a token of our appreciation we're sending you a coupon for 50% off a 6 inch sub."


JACKPOT!

Obviously I made that up (or did i?) (yes, i did) but I have noticed a steady stream of Jared free ads from this purveyor of palatable p...subs.

The funniest one features a guy at work being asked for receipts from his business lunch at some burger joint. He asks if he can just photocopy his butt. The point being that his huge ass is proof he eats fast food burgers.

Another ad features Peter Griffin from Family Guy reciting the "Ode to the Subway Feast". Nothing hilarious here but Peter Griffin can get a chuckle out of me every time.

Verdict: 2 roxxorz. Not bad ads. Anything without Jared is a step up.

Funniest Commercials of the Year

I forgot to mention that this was coming on. It aired 12/26 on TBS. I've seen it rerun already so maybe they will show it again. Kevin Nealon hosts and does a pretty good job. Way better than when James Brown hosts Fox's version. Most of the time these clip show hosts are horrible. Just look at every America's Funniest Home Video host EVER. If you've ever watched one of these shows you will notice that international ads are way better than the ones we get here. I think part of the reason is that censorship laws in a lot of other countries are less strict.

Anyway if you see that the show is airing again check it out. It's good. You can also check out www.veryfunnyads.com to see what was on the show.

Southwest Airlines

These ads are great. They show someone doing something stupid then the tag line "Wanna Get Away?"

My favorite shows two guys playing video game baseball. The one guy is showing the other how his motion sensing controller works but swinging it like a baseball bat. He then says "Now throw me a pitch just like if we were outside"

His friend hurls his controller at the flat screen TV shattering it and sending it crashing to the ground. Wanna get away?

Hilarious.

Verdict: 4 roxxorz. Some of the funniest ads on TV.